Now Casting! 30 Something Grandmas and Married w/Parents

Got the heads up on two new documentary style shows doing a NATIONWIDE CASTING CALL!!

The first: Married with Parents (as in – the opposite of Married with Children starring Modern Family’s Ed O’Neil).

The second: 30 Something Grandma’s (as in – the MOST AMAZING CONCEPT FOR A SHOW EVER!)

Here are the deets. Go forth and make yourself famous.

Emily Henderson’s Style Guide + Me

I know when you think of a Reality-Show-Casting-Director-Turned-Writer, STYLISH is the first word that comes to mind. Let me just say, it’s true. I am… for a girl who spends most days writing from home in her pajamas.

So much so, the fabulous HGTV Design Star winner Emily Henderson (and her team of goddessess Lana and Linsday), asked me to write a piece for her kick-ass, uh-may-zing, 238-page Holiday Guide, which is available RIGHT NOW, starting today.

It’s a thick, juicy guide to help gift givers of navigate the murky waters of What-The-Hell-Do-I-Get-My-In-Laws Lake?

My piece is about how to craftily gift and re-gift inexpensive DIY presents that look pricy… for those special people in your life that you’d rather regal with a big, steamy lump of coal.

Check it out!

PS. Thank you Linz Loves You… for letting me temporarily borrow your beautiful Bitchlorette font for my site without asking first. I like to match. That’s why I’m so STYLISH.

Taboo Tales, Teen Icons and Me…

Here’s a MUCH better picture of last night’s shenanigans. Stay tuned for a full report when I have the Anthony Michael Balls to admit what I talked about on stage!

Sorry ‘Bout The Botched Facelift

This is why I’m a writer, not a web designer.

In an effort to rid myself of the piss yellow and lipstick red decor I’ve been ashamed of for over a year, I’ve spent the morn’ trying to redesign the site to no avail. So please bless this mess and bear with the blurry images and poor layout until my lovely web guru and DIY darling Lana gets here and tells me what to do.

Until then: here’s a pitch black photo of me performing in Taboo Tales last night. I am also not a photographer.

No, that’s not Andrew McCarthy.

News Flash: Times they are a changin’

Hello lovelies,

I am so goddamn sick and tired of blogging about reality shows. I’ll still watch them, but I’m going to stop exclusively writing about them on this blog – unless something truly riveting occurs on Tough Love this season.

I’ll be revamping the site soon, but in the meantime – here’s my new Twitter handle: @bitchlorette ( http://twitter.com/bitchlorette).

Yeah, yeah… still kind of a reality show bend. I can’t quit cold turkey. I’m not Jesus.

P.S. Those aren’t my tits.

Abercrombie offers to pay “The Situation” NOT to wear their clothes

America’s Official Douche Bag Haberdashery wants nothing to do with Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino.

The preppy, overpriced retailer is so opposed to The Situation donning the A&C logo, that they’ve proposed to pay him NOT to wear their clothes.

Keep reading for more!

Ashley’s Best (And Worst) Looks

For months, Ashley Hebert has been navigating the bumpy road towards matrimony. We’ve watched our bubbly Bachelorette laugh, cry, and thanks to Bentley, cry some more. But through all the helicopter rides up and Thai boxing knock downs, one thing has stayed the same: Ashley’s rockin’ bod.

Unlike last season’s Bachelorette, Ally, who with every passing week seemed to pack on more poundage (as well as more clothing to cover up said pudge), Ashley had no trouble flaunting her tight tummy and toned legs through her revealing, though sometimes questionable, wardrobe choices.

So, in honor of Ashley’s abs, take a look at her top ten looks of the season… after the jump!

Ashley & JP or Ashley & Ben: What would their weddings look like?

After weeks of whittling down future fiancés from 25 to two, Ashley Hebert must now decide between two very different bachelors.

And it’s a tough choice. Ben is a charming Californian winemaker with a full head of marvelous hair and a brawny build. JP is a lanky New York construction manager with a sexy buzz cut and fragile heart. While it’s true Ashley can only pick one strapping young buck to start her life with, we thought it would be fun to see what both weddings would look like.

Keep reading to see hastily thrown together vision boards!

The Bachelorette: Falling out of love in Fiji

This week, Ben, Constantine and JP hit up Fiji to further woo their lady. But they’re not alone. After a brief recap of the last three standing, Ryan shows up out of the blue to make one last play for Ashley’s heart.

It could have been worse. Jake Pavleka, I’m talking to you.

Read on…!

Why Emily Maynard will make the BEST Bachelorette EVER.

Oh shizz… this is juicy. US Weekly is reporting that none other than Brad Womack‘s former flame and Bentley Williams wettest dream, Emily Maynard, is set wrangle roses in the next cycle of The Bachelorette.

Read all about why this coal miner’s daughter with a heart of gold will make the Best. Bachelorette. Ever… after the jump!